missions un-accomplished

It has been quite a while, dear reader. So sorry to keep you waiting. I am back to work after an incredibly unfruitful vacation – r was working on my parent’s house so I spent too many days wandering around town in the car trying to find the will to do something useful. I started my writing class on Thursday and I am realizing that I have been in summer laziness mode too long and I have to snap out of it. On Sunday, yup September 11, I turned 25. Two years ago I had so many things I had wanted to accomplish by Sunday, one of them being beginning grad school. That’s a laugh! Not only have I not exerted a scrap of effort to actually put together an application, I have become completely disinterested in the idea of getting an MFA. My dad asked me the other day how my portfolio preparation was going . I shrugged and said, ‘Well, I have one. Its there.’
With that thread of exasperation in his voice that we both get when someone is being slow or indecisive my dad asks, ‘But you are still applying in February, right?’ What I say: ‘What for?’ This was probably torture for him. For the man who knew that he wanted to find the cause of cancer when he was 8 year old, to have his only daughter tell him point black that not only does she not care about obtaining a higher degree, but to very clearly see that she is floundering with the whole business of finding her ‘vocation’.

Oh well.

Something’s gotta give sooner or later, because either I am truly in state of self discovery, or I have a case of atypical depression. I would prefer it to be the first because that option doesn’t involve the use of medication or the asinine advice of doctors. It may be option b however – some of the symptoms fit. But it’s my birthday so I get to pick, and I pick option a. Settled.