On Not Running
It's been awhile since I talked about running here, and it hasn't been out of merciful restraint but rather because I haven't been doing much of it due to a tibial stress fracture in my left leg. The pain started back in April, was ignored until May and it wasn't until June that I started to take it somewhat seriously. So from June through august I pretty much stayed off of it, did the wretched elliptical trainer instead, and gradually added a few minutes of running at a time. By September I thought I was good as gold and started to run outside again on my old route - lots of hills and little self control, which meant I was running 12 mile stretched on asphalt after doing 5 or 6 on the tready. Needless to say, this sent me back to the gym pretty quick. It's the end of November, and I am still taking what feel like very tiny baby steps. I am at a tenuous 25 miles per week, restricted to the treadmill.
It is also exactly one year to the day after running my first marathon. Yesterday was the Philadelphia Marathon, which might have been heartbreaking considering that at this time last year I was averaging 80 miles per week, not a measly 25. I was also leaner, in better shape, and over all felt that it could only get better from there.
But yesterday was not sad, or heartbreaking - it only delivered a small stab of remorse that I couldn't at least run it for fun, without regard to time. The one thing about these last 8 months of being "sidelined" is that it's given me a lot of time to think about why I got injured. The tibial stress fracture was the second one this year alone. I got one in my right leg in January, although I didn't know what it was. I had also gotten a stress fracture in the same location each of the previous two years, again undiagnosed. These pieces only came together after I had my bone scan in August.
The bone scan that also revealed that I, a 26 year old female in "optimal" health had osteopenia - a precursor to osteoporosis. The self proclaimed health nut's structure was crumbling, and far too soon. I should have known, and really I did know, I just didn't want to hear it. I knew that when 4 months had passed without getting my period that this was a warning sign. I even went so far as to call my doctor and her whether she thought this would eventually lead to bone loss. She told me not to worry about it for four years, unless I decided I wanted to have children. Not to worry for 4 years. Of course, this is exactly what I wanted to hear: keep running like a maniac and eating like a waif!
So I kept going and didn't get my period back to normal until January, when I got my first stress fracture of 2006.
This weekend I made the full admission to myself, and to make it for real, to R: I was caught in the notorious female athlete triad. Disordered eating. Amenorrhea. Bone loss. The hardest part to admit was the disordered eating. It just isn't becoming of an educated, confidant, low-maintenance woman with and low levels of self absorption to eat skimpy. I guess my stint with anorexia in the seventh grade taught me the valuable ability to skirt around the look of insecurity.
So for the past 8 months I have been trying to accept that 1)what 89i had previously thought was normal was a problem, and 2) if I don't take my body seriously I will eventually will never be able to run again. This has been the longest recover from injury I have ever sustained, and frankly it has scared me back to me senses. Each time I push it too far - even by running 5 minutes too long or too hard - I start to fell the pain again and have to back off for a few days. I had been hoping to run Boston in 2007, but I will be more than satisfied if I can just run outdoors.
It is also exactly one year to the day after running my first marathon. Yesterday was the Philadelphia Marathon, which might have been heartbreaking considering that at this time last year I was averaging 80 miles per week, not a measly 25. I was also leaner, in better shape, and over all felt that it could only get better from there.
But yesterday was not sad, or heartbreaking - it only delivered a small stab of remorse that I couldn't at least run it for fun, without regard to time. The one thing about these last 8 months of being "sidelined" is that it's given me a lot of time to think about why I got injured. The tibial stress fracture was the second one this year alone. I got one in my right leg in January, although I didn't know what it was. I had also gotten a stress fracture in the same location each of the previous two years, again undiagnosed. These pieces only came together after I had my bone scan in August.
The bone scan that also revealed that I, a 26 year old female in "optimal" health had osteopenia - a precursor to osteoporosis. The self proclaimed health nut's structure was crumbling, and far too soon. I should have known, and really I did know, I just didn't want to hear it. I knew that when 4 months had passed without getting my period that this was a warning sign. I even went so far as to call my doctor and her whether she thought this would eventually lead to bone loss. She told me not to worry about it for four years, unless I decided I wanted to have children. Not to worry for 4 years. Of course, this is exactly what I wanted to hear: keep running like a maniac and eating like a waif!
So I kept going and didn't get my period back to normal until January, when I got my first stress fracture of 2006.
This weekend I made the full admission to myself, and to make it for real, to R: I was caught in the notorious female athlete triad. Disordered eating. Amenorrhea. Bone loss. The hardest part to admit was the disordered eating. It just isn't becoming of an educated, confidant, low-maintenance woman with and low levels of self absorption to eat skimpy. I guess my stint with anorexia in the seventh grade taught me the valuable ability to skirt around the look of insecurity.
So for the past 8 months I have been trying to accept that 1)what 89i had previously thought was normal was a problem, and 2) if I don't take my body seriously I will eventually will never be able to run again. This has been the longest recover from injury I have ever sustained, and frankly it has scared me back to me senses. Each time I push it too far - even by running 5 minutes too long or too hard - I start to fell the pain again and have to back off for a few days. I had been hoping to run Boston in 2007, but I will be more than satisfied if I can just run outdoors.
posted by beef at 2:30 PM
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