We were so proud of ourselves last week: we had made a plan to do something. (Relatively) in advance. Last Wednesday R and I decided that this weekend was the weekend to go to the shore - that it would be our last chance before the pressure of classes resumed, our last chance before we got sucked into the complex vacuum of family obligations. We set a date (Saturday) and we set a time to leave (9:30 am).
If you are reading from the mid-atlantic states you of course know that it rained all weekend.
The failure of our plan sent me into the weekend in a bit of a funk. I had been looking forward to starting our days off early, together, and spending some time driving around our old haunts. I didn't really care about going to the beach so much. It was the getting away part that I wanted.
Now that I think of it, we should have gone anyways. Damnit. Regrets.
Even though it's Monday, I am far less cranky than I was yesterday, Saturday even. Tommorrow, after months of waiting, I finally have an appontment to see the orthopedic surgeon. The x-rays I got last week revealed (to me and my parents anyway) that the pain in my shin was caused by a stress fracture. We also saw in the right leg a portion of the tibia which looks like it had scarred. Perhaps you remember awhile back I was complaining of pain in my right soleus muscle? Well that was probably a stress fracture, not muscle pain.
It has been 3 and a half weeks since I have run outdoors and atleast two that I have been pain free. I want the doctor to tell me that it is ok to start ruinning again. I want him to say that I should be fine as long as I take it slow.
I have a feeling though, that it hasn't been enough time and he will tell me other bad things - like the numbness in my toes the past couple of days is serious nerve damage, or that the loss of my period for 5 months last year really fucked up my bones. To be honest, I am scared. Even though I know it isn't so bad (stress fractures happen), I really fear the possbility that it could be, and that if it is, it is totally my own fault. I realize now that I pushed my body way too hard leading up to the marathon last November and after it. While it is making me nuts and miserable and probably intolerable to live with, this time off from running is forcing me to find balance. Because I can't just go for a 16 mile run to vent, I have to actually deal with things. I am learning (although I wish I didn't have to) that bodies are not invincible, atleast not mine. I hate that, and I never honestly believed it until these past few months.
All this time, I thought Clark Kent was my cousin.
If you are reading from the mid-atlantic states you of course know that it rained all weekend.
The failure of our plan sent me into the weekend in a bit of a funk. I had been looking forward to starting our days off early, together, and spending some time driving around our old haunts. I didn't really care about going to the beach so much. It was the getting away part that I wanted.
Now that I think of it, we should have gone anyways. Damnit. Regrets.
Even though it's Monday, I am far less cranky than I was yesterday, Saturday even. Tommorrow, after months of waiting, I finally have an appontment to see the orthopedic surgeon. The x-rays I got last week revealed (to me and my parents anyway) that the pain in my shin was caused by a stress fracture. We also saw in the right leg a portion of the tibia which looks like it had scarred. Perhaps you remember awhile back I was complaining of pain in my right soleus muscle? Well that was probably a stress fracture, not muscle pain.
It has been 3 and a half weeks since I have run outdoors and atleast two that I have been pain free. I want the doctor to tell me that it is ok to start ruinning again. I want him to say that I should be fine as long as I take it slow.
I have a feeling though, that it hasn't been enough time and he will tell me other bad things - like the numbness in my toes the past couple of days is serious nerve damage, or that the loss of my period for 5 months last year really fucked up my bones. To be honest, I am scared. Even though I know it isn't so bad (stress fractures happen), I really fear the possbility that it could be, and that if it is, it is totally my own fault. I realize now that I pushed my body way too hard leading up to the marathon last November and after it. While it is making me nuts and miserable and probably intolerable to live with, this time off from running is forcing me to find balance. Because I can't just go for a 16 mile run to vent, I have to actually deal with things. I am learning (although I wish I didn't have to) that bodies are not invincible, atleast not mine. I hate that, and I never honestly believed it until these past few months.
All this time, I thought Clark Kent was my cousin.
posted by beef at 1:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home