Masters Schmasters

Being that I am finally starting to get into the groove of my class this semester, I thought that maybe it was time to briefly discuss what the hell I am doing in school anyways. So, some of you in my invisible readership might remember some of the agonizing I was doing about my lack of direction and indecision about going into an MFA program. Well something clicked somewhere along the way, I think some time in the fall, and I stopped stressing about it. Still undecided about my educational direction I settled on applying to Penn's MLA (Master of Liberal Arts) program. "Settled" because even though I am now on my way to a masters degree, a degree in Liberal Arts is as close to a degree in nothing as you can get. The advantage, as I have been telling myself and all those who ask, is that I can structure my own concentration (sound familiar..um...Bennington) and in the end write what they call a capstone project on anything I want.
When I applied, I described my interests as being in,

"....the cultural, historical and philosophical links between art and science. I am especially interested in how these two disciplines share parallel processes, and what the philosophy of those processes entails. "

I have no idea what I meant by this.
I have realized the other night in the car on the way back R's parents house that a lot of the internal struggles I have been having stem from 1)waiting for the 'aha' moment to smack me in the forehead and 2) trying too hard to justify my decision to work in the lab. The first point, was brought to my attention by R, and after a moment of thinking 'no....' I realized that he had it. Like an idiot I had been waiting for 'inspiration' to strike. I had been waiting to wake up and find my singular calling, my chosen field. (Maybe I am a fox after all).
The second point is a doozy. There is the fact that I kind of feel like I passed up an opportunity to take my work seriously my throwing myself into full time benefit laden indenture. In the back of my mind the naïve idea persists that had I stuck it out I could have started showing or what not. But I also know full well that that’s not exactly what I want either. I have always wanted more. In addition there is the knowledge that I flew into this position on mom and dad’s coattails, with nothing more than some clever manipulation on my part. This has been a big deal to me, and has colored absolutely everything I do not only at work, but in the space around work as well.

Speaking of work, it’s time that I go do some.