un-vacation from our new place
I won't waste the last 22 minutes of my working day recapping how long its been since the last time I posted or ironing out my guilt for not writing so much lately. Rubbish. R and I have moved and as I suspected, it has served as a transitory marker: the excuses are coming to a brake-pumping halt, and the productive work that has seemed to out of reach for the past few months is now there in front of us waiting to be unpacked and begun.
This week however we do not get to enjoy our new sanctuary as we have to stay with my grandmother while my parents are away. I have been dreading this, not because I don't enjoy spending time with her - we have a good time together cooking and watching Telemundo - but because it is extremly painful for me to see her get so agitated about going home. She is home, but there is no convincing her of that. There is no convincing her that her mother is dead and not waiting fo her to come back. There is no reasoning, just an enormous well of patience to take it all in strie as my mother so amazingly manages to do. And I find myself trying to be her in these days that she is away to see how the skin fits; to see if it makes dealing with the siutaion of her deterioration any easier. It does make it easier, but then again, I will never be able to pull off anything involving human relationships as sweatlessly as she does.
Last night Carmen was fine - she was calm, relaxed and in a little bit of a giddy mood. (The other night she stuck a paper towel up her nose trying to maike us laugh. It worked.) I am worried about this evening though. She seems to become more stressed with Rose than with Maricel, and I think this has to do with the fact that Maricel is perceived as family and Rose as a guest. I'll have to wait and see.
The next few months we will be living there a lot, and I suppose I'll get used to it. Lets hope I make to Sunday without too much sleeplessness.
This week however we do not get to enjoy our new sanctuary as we have to stay with my grandmother while my parents are away. I have been dreading this, not because I don't enjoy spending time with her - we have a good time together cooking and watching Telemundo - but because it is extremly painful for me to see her get so agitated about going home. She is home, but there is no convincing her of that. There is no convincing her that her mother is dead and not waiting fo her to come back. There is no reasoning, just an enormous well of patience to take it all in strie as my mother so amazingly manages to do. And I find myself trying to be her in these days that she is away to see how the skin fits; to see if it makes dealing with the siutaion of her deterioration any easier. It does make it easier, but then again, I will never be able to pull off anything involving human relationships as sweatlessly as she does.
Last night Carmen was fine - she was calm, relaxed and in a little bit of a giddy mood. (The other night she stuck a paper towel up her nose trying to maike us laugh. It worked.) I am worried about this evening though. She seems to become more stressed with Rose than with Maricel, and I think this has to do with the fact that Maricel is perceived as family and Rose as a guest. I'll have to wait and see.
The next few months we will be living there a lot, and I suppose I'll get used to it. Lets hope I make to Sunday without too much sleeplessness.
posted by beef at 4:36 PM
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