Irony

Felipe-in-2004
Originally uploaded by beefandsalt.

The roll of film that this picture was shot on has been to Argentina twice.

The first time was in 2001. That trip was saturated with detention centers, guerilla attacks, justice and justification. Death. Disappearances. Complicity. My trip was steeped with the aura of the early 80's - I was drawing it out everyone I met, out of all my family members.

And nobody liked being reminded of that time, that stain in their history. One night in 1976 the military took over the government and initiated what became known as the Reign of Terror. The now infamous "disappearances" began, the fear started to set in.

What shocked me at the time was the phrase that I kept hearing over and over: It had to be done. And for many, for those who weren't students or activists at the time, who were older, had families, it was what had to be done. Because what they were being faced with was much worse than the tug on their conscience that a young person had gone missing, his apartment raided by an agent in an unmarked Ford Falcon. They were afraid that the bus they were going to take to work that morning would be the target of bomb attack. Afraid of the bombs that might be laying in wait at the schools of their son. That was the situation then, before the military coup, a guerilla war waged in the name of the people, against the people.

I am reminded of this because first, of course, the bombings in London last week. But really because yesterday I found myself missing my grandfather.
The photo was taken in 2004, only a few months before he passed away. In 2001, I never finished the roll, so I rolled it back in its cassette to use later. The irony is, that it was the same roll I happened to take out of the crisper to bring with me in 2004, on a trip that was exclusively about family, quiet, revisiting the margins of time around the war.

All of the frames were double exposed, except for this one. Aesthetically, they are stunning images, but I can’t bring myself to look at them for too long. The sense of outrage is too great, too concise to be coupled with something as complex as the lives of the living.